Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
