Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
