we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
