i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
