She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
