he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
