Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
