I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
