We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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