oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
