Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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