you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
