Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
