fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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