PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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