I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
