Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
