I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize