I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
