maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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