I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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