Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
