dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
