you would pick up someone in the library
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
