I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
