IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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