you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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