the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
