I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
