My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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