I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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