so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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