dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize