You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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