my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I wear drunk well.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
