Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
