tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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