Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think I died a long time ago.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
