I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
