I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
