super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
