cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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