I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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