Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
