I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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