Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
