I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
