Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
