Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
