I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
