Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
