They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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