youre lurking in front of me
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
