Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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