You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
