Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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