i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
