I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
