oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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