So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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