Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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