is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
