You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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